#21DayFix Update – Day#12

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I have so much that I want to say to all of you who are reading this post.  Its really hard for me to think of where to start.
I want to tell you about all the positive changes in my life.
I want to tell you about all the benefits I have noticed with drinking Shakeology and eating clean.
I want to tell you my big update and respond to some questions I’ve received from readers.
I want to inspire and motivate you to make a change in your own life.

I guess I need to start WAY back at the beginning and give you some history. This history contributes to how things got so out of control for me, my weight and my health.

Growing up I do not remember much about food or any issues with it, other than being a fussy eater. I remember many meals of potatoes, meat and veggies, casseroles and the standard Kraft Dinner and Alphaghetti. I ate normal meals. My mom always had fresh baked goods or vachon cakes on hand…I never overindulged, I would be satisfied with the serving size. Friday nights we went grocery shopping and I would get a pop, bag of chips and chocolate bar. Sundays we would take my Nan for a drive and usually get ice cream. Nothing was really out of the “norm” for the time when it came to food. I do recall always knowing that every member of my family was heavy set (aka fat, over weight, obese, etc), some more so than others.  I was always teased about being boney, skin and bones, boney butt, etc Mainly because I was very thin. But as adolescence kicked in and I developed and grew, my body changed and I began to gain weight. My doctor reports state that at age 15 I was concerned about my weight. I do not understand why I would have thought that. I did not have an ounce of fat on my body. I used to wear belly bearing shirts and short dresses, this does not sound like me, I was self conscious but, do not recall feeling “fat” when in my teens.

I can remember rarely eating breakfast and rarely eating lunch at school…and when I did it usually consisted of nothing nutritious. Yet,  I remained skinny and active and pretty much full of life. I took part in sports, loved being on the internet, loved dancing. I dealt with anxiety (though I did not know it at the time, but, now knowing more about it, I definitely recall having it) and I also had to deal with being teased and bullied as most kids do at some point in their life. I was extremely self conscious about my hair, being boney, wearing glasses, and having hairy arms. I even remember at one point wearing long sleeves during the warm months because I was so embarrassed by my arms. I remember hearing my stomach churning in knots in class from the anxiety I had, concerning myself over what other people might be thinking/saying about me to the point where I was unable to fully focus on school. I remember occasionally  falling asleep in class, most likely from the lack of nutrition, though I certainly was never hungry.

I moved out west at the age of 19. Found a job as a live-in nanny, which I was at for nearly 8 years. I held many other jobs including maid, security officer, sales clerk, and warehouse worker. It was a very stressful time being away from home for the first time. I dealt with depression, bankruptcy at a very young age, and failed relationships. I lost a big part of myself while living out there, but, I also had many wonderful experiences.

Eventually I hit my highest weight of 221lbs and realized that something in my life had to change. I left my nanny job and went into security, and eventually started dating Shaun, whom is now my husband. I lost some weight by cutting out pop and eating healthier. Got back down to 198lbs and was beginning to look better. Then I got pregnant with my first child. Moved back to my home town. Where I was a lazy pregnant girl who ate what she wanted and played World of Warcraft for hours. I gained 75lbs with my first child. Lost about 40 before I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child….by the end I reached a staggering 280+ (I don’t remember the exact weight, 283, 287….I’ll have to try to track it down in doctors notes.) by the time our 2nd child was born.

My weight in the next couple of years fluctuated between 260-270lbs. In 2011 we were to get married and I got down to about 240lbs by the time the wedding rolled around. Then back up to 253lbs by the time April 2013 came and my doctor gave me the warning to “lose weight or die’.

Since about 2009 I have been battling health issues and have really not gotten great answers as to what was causing them. I had kidney stone surgery x4 times, I had bladder stretching, and now I am waiting on hernia surgery and have cysts on my ovaries and more kidney stones. Not to mention that I have aggravated asthma (if i exert myself physically it flares up), fibromyalgia, arthritis, carpal tunnel, allergies, IBS, etc etc.

It has been frustrating, depressing, and extremely angering. I got lost. My weight went up and down and up again. I found it hard to breathe, could not get up off the floor easily, couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes. The last two I can do now…hopefully the breathing will keep improving.

PicMonkey Collage

I suffer from fibromyalgia, asthma, arthritis, kidney stones, allergies, carpal tunnel, patella femoral syndrome, calcium deposit on my knee, and now a hernia. All these things are aggravated by weight and poor diet. For the longest time I was angry with the doctors who would keep telling me that my weight was why I felt so terrible and to do something about it.  I would get SO angry. “Easy for them to say,  lose some weight, eat right. They don’t have my bills, they’re probably not fussy eaters, they probably have time to workout, ” etc etc etc. I put blame on what I thought was out of my control. When in reality there was NO reason valid enough that I could not take control of my health and make small, manageable steps to getting healthier and losing weight. you don’t need to spend lots of money to do it. And I hope that I can help some of you realize that. And also to realize it’s NOT a horrible experience to exercise or eat better. Sure, during the past few weeks I have eaten things that I probably never will again, but, I will make substitutes for those foods that will still maintain a positive healthy balance.

I swore up and down I would NEVER eat whole wheat bread, or rice or pasta…it’s disgusting, I said. NEVER. Guess what? I’ve made that change and actually it is not as horrible as I made it up in my mind to be. Especially when I weigh out the benefits.

The journey is not fun. It’s frustrating, tiring, angering, exhausting. You’ll be in pain and want to quit. You’ll probably even want to cave in and cheat on your meal plan. It happens. But, you need to realize that everyone has a bad day and that tomorrow is a new day and you can start again!

I’m running a FREE challenge group in November. I will provide 5 days of meal plans and exercises. I promise you will see results if you stick to it! I want to help give you a kick start! There will also be a point system for participation with the group and whomever has the most points at the end of the challenge will get a prize (still yet to be determined). No purchase necessary. Totally free! I am here for you! Let me know what you need to start on your journey, where you want to go on your journey, your hopes and dreams for getting healthy. I can only help you reach those goals if you connect with me!!

It’s time to get serious. It’s time to stop blaming others for OUR choices. It’s time to make conscious (and positive) decisions regarding our health. I don’t know about you, but, I want to life a long life and I want to actually be active and experience life, not sit around and just “be”.

I don’t want to just be alive, I WANT TO LIVE!


* I haven’t addressed a few other things I wanted to talk about yet. Guess I will save them for my next post. 🙂 Stay tuned.

To be Continued……………………………………………..


About ChaosAndSilence

#100LBWeightLossJourney New to Blogging Newbie Gamer on Twitch. Avid Contester Mother to 2, Wife of 6 years. Baking, photography, dancing, hiking, etc.

Posted on October 21, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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